You never realize the affect an experience has on you until your out of it, for me that is true for so many things.
For instance, relationships I've had with all different kind of people shape how I communicate, how I trust, and how ultimately love.
From living in Alaska, I find myself craving sunlight and wanting to be in it every chance I get because subconsciously I think I won't see it for 8 months. I think I am wasting a beautiful day and another nice day is very unlikely.
In seasons of transition, (feels like these last 6 years) constantly moving, constantly changing, constantly feeling the need to settle and make roots but feeling like I have no where to set down my stuff (all of my stuff).
For me, I catch myself keep looking back, how could I have done this or that differently, wishing I was more open or honest, or trusting, or appreciative. (the list goes on)
But then I am reminded of the sweet whispers of "you're right where I want you to be", "trust me, I see all things, I know whats ahead, NOTHING SURPRISES ME!
The only constant things I cling to, is your promises, your love, and that you have called me and anointed me to proclaim the good news to the poor, you have sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. Is. 61:1-3
I know what the Lord has done for me,
I don't want to keep looking back at what has happened or what I could of change, There isn't enough time and it is a waste of time, but I need to keep moving forward, I don't want to be like Lot's wife. (its not worth looking back) pillar of salt is not my future :)
I know the good work he has started in me, he will continue, he won't leave me dry and one day I will be made perfect in his sight, but until then I am going to keep moving forward, and only look at my past experiences thru the eyes of wisdom and knowledge, not in regret!
Its a waste of time to stay in your regret, choose to learn, and make changes.
So for all the experiences, relationships, and seasons that have come and gone, and that are to come, please know, I am thankful, I'm sorry, I'm learning, and I will only continue to learn and be better!
I am excited for what is to come, a lot unknown, and a lot still to dream.
I am going to keep dreaming, keep moving, and keep focus on the important things!
So thankful, you're not through with me yet.
Whenever you start focusing on how someone has hurt you, remind yourself of God's grace. (stay humble, stay true)
I don't want to obsess about anything but about how great your love for me is.
Thankful for your grace, and thankful for your love, for it endures forever! Amen
